Owner of a Lonely Heart
by Curtis Wildcat
Summary: The last in the Covert Operations series. Curtis Wildcat pretty much lays out in detail of what led him to come to Little Tokyo. Includes a flashback to Speedy and Polly's wedding reception, at which Curtis himself was present.


SAMURAI PIZZA CATS  
OWNER OF A LONELY HEART  
  
Author: G.A. Wildcat  
  
All right, this is the last fanfic in the so-called Covert Operations set. I'll be doing this in novel form, also. I'm just better at doing THIS than I am writing a fanfic in script form---seeing that I've been doing this before the SPC first appeared on TV in Canada. (Yes, before the early 1990s. Ages 3-6 were practice sessions.)  
  
TEASER  
  
All right now, time for the story behind Curtis's story....and a few other spare tidbits as well.  
  
END TEASER  
  
I know, I only gave a sentence worth of information about this final story, but I don't want to give TOO much away, now, do I?  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Curtis was exhausted from the recent attack. When a weakened Speedy had focused through Curtis's energies via his sword to destroy the silo, the calico had to struggle to walk. He was thankful that his personal space assault shuttle had dropped by to pick him and Speedy up, thanks to a remote control in the hands of his commander, Big Al Dente, before the silo turned into intergalactic dust.  
  
The Rad-Cats had taken most of the assault well. Not a whole lot of battle damage had been given them, with the exception of Teasy, who had nearly killed himself in a successful attempt to rescue Guido from Flasher and Caner--of which Guido wasn't thankful.  
  
As for the Samurai Pizza Cats.....plenty could be said. Minutes after they had started down into the base, nuclear radiation had seeped into them, transforming Speedy into Groucho Marx, Polly into Chico Marx, Good Bird into Harpo Marx, and Guido into Zeppo Marx. Francine, of course, was confused by all of this. This made for a lot of irritating remarks that couldn't be stopped until the aftereffects of Curtis's transformation into 9 Lives Power Magnification had wiped it out. In that nuclear transformation, they had lost most of their strength, even after they were changed back--letting the A.L.D. strike cleanly at them. All in all, the fight had been messy.  
  
The Animal Legion of Doom, in an attempt to escape, had tried making for the palace to kidnap the princess and assasinate the emperor and empress as a last-chance attempt at global superiority, but were trapped by Curtis's Super-Cats once they arrived.  
  
Seymour Cheese, meanwhile, had evacuated early and hurried over to the edge of Mount Coochie, where the Ninja Crowbot and one of Guru Lou's machines snagged hold of him.  
  
The A.L.D. now marched down the corridors of Curtis's new headquarters near the center of Little Tokyo's residental area. In chains.  
  
In chains, and their fate in Curtis's paws.  
  
"Now, look, you guys," Curtis said as he walked up to them. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the Pizza Cats, sitting against the wall, tending to recent wounds and listening to Curtis speak. "You've given me a lot of pain in the last half-dozen years. Recently, you joined forces with former Prime Minister Seymour Cheese and Master Jerry Atrick of the Flying Skull Clan and wrecked havoc on this city that I now call home. Before that, you destroyed my Mansion in the U.S. of America and scattered possibly the best fighting force that this planet had to offer, besides the Pizza Cats. You've threatened the lives of all the people on Earth with your construction of hydrogen, nuclear, and atomic bombs. You nearly destroyed my feline friends here with that nuclear radiation. Most of that I can forgive. But I can't forgive you for seperating my friend Shila from me. To have stolen her from me and plunging my life into chaos is a crime that cannot be forgiven! You may have forgotten the day you turned me loose, but I HAVEN'T!"  
  
Francine's head snapped in his direction, a small gasp escaping her lips as she realized why Curtis had been sulking recently. Her wounded shoulders protested where Quarter had slashed through the armor, but she ignored the pain momentarily, as did Polly. Everyone else glanced toward Curtis questioningly, but he didn't respond. On the other side of the room, the Rad-Cats glared and hissed at Quarter.  
  
"What are you going to do?" asked a nervous Blackout.  
  
"I don't want to kill you. If I did, my super-ego would bother me. I'm going to remove your abilities from each of you, first. Then, I'm going to turn you into the thing that giant talking mammals only tolerate being turned into."  
  
"What's that?" asked Caner. "I hope we won't be channeling the spirit of Qui-Gon Jinn."  
  
"3 words: regular house pets. I figure with you guys out of the way, I'll have a whole lot of an easier time bringing my fighting force back together."  
  
Quarter raised his head toward the ceiling and let out a mournful howl as Curtis led them away. As they walked away, Caner asked, "Curtis, who exactly are you sending us to?" For once in his life, he sounded worried.  
  
"I don't hate you. I envy you," Curtis explained. "So I decided to send Quarter to a deer hunter...."  
  
Quarter revved both of his chained fists. "YES!"  
  
"....Flasher to one of the Miami Heat personnel...."  
  
Flasher sighed.  
  
"....Flashdog to a meteorologist....."  
  
"I hope he gets the weather correctly," Flashdog complained.  
  
"....Caner to an animal doctor..."  
  
"Thanks a lot," Caner muttered.  
  
"....and Blackout to an astronomer."  
  
"YEE-HA!" Blackout yowled.   
  
"Curtis, tell my parents that I said good-bye, could you?" Quarter said quietly. "They had nothing to do with all this. They live in North Carolina down the street from where Michael Jordan lived as a kid."  
  
"I'll try to remember that," said the calico, winking. "I'm not ALL mean. And I'm sure you'll enjoy your new lives. You'll still maintain a human's life span, but you'll still be walking on four legs, much to the surprise of your owners. In you go!"  
  
Curtis led them around a corner, shoved them into a cubicle-like chamber, then stepped back as blue and yellow smoke drifted into the area. There was a sizzling sound, then silence. "Sayonara, A.L.D.," Curtis said to himself, grinning. "You're about to see your new homes."  
  
On the floor in front of him were 3 cute little puppies and two innocent-looking kittens, one with 2 crippled feet and one that resembled a miniature Jabba the Hutt.  
  
Suddenly, Curtis, who was tired in the first place, passed out from exhaustion, hitting the floor with a THUMP. The only one who noticed was the fox, Aldonza, who immediately started dragging him back in the opposite direction.  
  
  
"So, Francine, what did Curtis decide to do with the Big Cheese and Jerry Atrick?" Guido asked.  
  
"He's given BC a permenant residence on Prisoner Island. He didn't want him to suffer under the Extra Island system, so he sent him THERE so he could enjoy himself. There's no metal, so I'm sure he won't go for the old robot bit anymore. As for Jerry Atrick, Curtis decided to keep him around as a radio announcer for the Little Tokyo professional baseball team.....much to Jerry's relief."  
  
"Huh?" the Rad-Cats said in unison.  
  
"If you mean the relief part, that means that even though Seymour cured him a decade and a half ago, he doesn't really care much for him," Speedy explained. "He told me after that attack that he would rather be as far away from Seymour as possible. No more of his explosions, either."  
  
"Like the explosion after the failed attempt to knock down the palace," Daniel commented. "THAT one was spectacular."   
  
"He's also going to be going back to his old positon as Master of the Flying Skull, even though there aren't very many Ninja Crows left after the big exile all those months ago," Francine finished. She yawned.  
  
"Oh. I heard he does a good announcing job," said Teasy. (Do you remember "Field of Screwballs"?)  
  
The hours wore on.  
  
  
"All right, Curtis," Polly insisted later at the parlor. It was night, and snow was falling again. Everyone had gathered in the serving area. Everyone who had gotten injured was bandaged, but the injuries were healing. "Tell us everything."  
  
"Including Shila?" Curtis inquired quietly.  
  
"Yes, that too," Francine growled, putting the final bandage on her sprained arm. "Spill everything you can about why you're here and all that jazz. It's been months since you first came, and you haven't told us a whole lot."  
  
"Oh, all right," Curtis sighed. "I'll tell you, if you promise me this: that you'll make sure that no one hears this. Not the bratty bunny, the athletic empress, or the scat master at the palace, not our commanding officer Big Al Dente, not even Lucille or Carla. Okay?"  
  
Everyone nodded consent.  
  
"All right. It started back in the year 1990. I wasn't even a cat; I was just a plain old human....that is, until I met Teasy."   
  
"That's me," said Teasy. "For some reason, he had accidently opened up a portal that took us--and the A.L.D.--from our dimension to this one---"  
  
Curtis shot him a look----"Shut up, Teasy"----and continued. "I visited him for a while---specifically, for the next 4 years---until for some reason, my molecular structure changed into that of a cat. Must have been the nuclear radiation in Teasy's home, but in all these years, I could never figure out why it had to be a CAT. Using stolen alien technology, Chico used what was left of my human DNA and made a clone that looked exactly like the original, to keep my folks from suspecting anything. It was that year that I built the Mansion: the most powerful weapon against crime on this planet. It contained defensive weaponry of all sorts, most of which I developed with permission from the creators of games like Descent and Command & Conquer. A short time later, I even developed a powerful space fleet. It was that fleet alone that has defended the universe from destruction."  
  
"How big IS your fleet?" Guido asked. "Counting the cloaked ship that rescued you and Speedy from the nuclear missile silo."  
  
"About several million ships, counting starfighters, spread out over a large number of lightyears," Curtis replied. "The ship that rescued us was my personal assault shuttle, like one out of 'Return of the Jedi', at the beginning....the one that brought the Emperor to the Death Star. I think you know what I'm talking about."   
  
Speedy's mouth dropped in shock. Polly, however, had a question. "If you had such a massive fleet, why didn't you go after the comet when it was heading towards Earth?"  
  
"Well, most of our ships were out on the border, fighting off one of the countless alien forces that hang around here. We had only a few capital ships out near Earth. At the time, we had thought that the comet was just going to pass by Earth. However, when the Big Cheese turned the comet toward Earth, no one in the fleet was close enough to get rid of it, and no one wanted to get in the way of the comet. For those reasons, I took my personal ship and broke off from the main fleet, leaving one of my admirals to ward off the threat. Oh, and another thing: Speedy's fight against Bad Bird didn't shut down the power on Seymour's weapon. It was me."  
  
"That was YOU?" GB asked, surprised. "I thought that slash I did tore up a good portion of the building."  
  
"That too, but I was the one that delivered the final blow. I detected those satellites that were above Earth, decided they were worthless, shot them down, sought out BC's Comet Buster and launched a long-range Mega Missile from space that smacked into the back of the fortress mere moments before the comet reached my current location. The shockwave from the missile hit made the generator crumble. I got out of the way and avoided an electronics failure, then decided to pursue the comet. When I had finally got close enough to take a crack at it, my sensors detected a large robot about to fight it off--specifically, the Supreme Catatonic. Your fish laser gun and the sword weren't enough, and I was about to finish it off myself, but then Speedy and the Catatonic combined powers, and the beam not only pierced the comet, but the ensuing supernova almost tore my ship apart, as well. After it had died down, and once our big space battle was over and done, I ordered a few of my capital ships to tractor in the pieces of the Catatonic--and put it back together."  
  
"Next question," Polly asked, a bit surprised by what happened to the Catatonic but not showing it. "Have you heard of the Sunblock-16 robot?"  
  
"Oh, I've heard of it, all right," Curtis said. "When the guys in the fleet first saw it, they started mocking the robot. They kept on doing that until the ship they were in almost got toasted by a stray solar energy beam. I didn't make any move to destroy it, though; Aldonza had informed me of someone in Little Tokyo who would handle the situation. Think about it: if I had taken out the robot myself, you guys would never have gotten the Supreme Catatonic. And without the Supreme Catatonic, there wouldn't have been any way to win when the Big Cheese diverted the course of the comet."  
  
"If any of your ships have ever come close to Earth, why hasn't anyone seen them?" Francine asked.  
  
"Cloaking devices," Curtis said. "I keep them on all my capital ships. Starfighters don't need them, at least not most of them, because they don't go near the planet anyway. Not to mention that aforementioned cloaking shield that was on my rescue ship. Anyway....  
  
"It was 2 weeks after the comet attack that I met Shila. She was about 3 months older than me, about an inch taller than me, silver tabby markings, whiskers longer than hot dogs, a voice so cool it could've frozen the sun....I admit it, she was beautiful. She could shoot lasers out of her tail, which is nearly as long as I am tall. She had hair the color of a banana cream pie. We were practically MADE for each other, and she felt the same way. She was the only one that I REALLY felt close to in my 15 years of living. Even at an age THAT young, I could tell. Honestly. Even better than my desire to devour spaghetti."  
  
"Is this a love story or a feeding frenzy?" Guido whispered to GB.  
  
GB shrugged, then turned his face in Curtis's direction.  
  
Curtis sniffed. "Not long after we met, though, Quarter and the A.L.D. decided to show up. They took Shila from me, held her captive for a while, and when I finally did show up to rescue her, they warped her mind and sent her away and left me to destroy their hideout in my rage, which was why they built a new one here in Little Tokyo. When I caught up with her in France, she had no memories whatsoever of me, and I decided to give it up. YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME ANGRIER, not even during that last fight: I got so rageful that I almost destroyed the Eiffel Tower with my 9 Lives Energy Overload....and the Tower was over 4 miles away! I made it my personal mission to get my revenge on Quarter and his gang. That's why when I found out that when he had joined up with Seymour, I decided to investigate the stuff going on in that direction." A tear rolled down his face, and he wiped it off as the others looked on comfortingly.  
  
Teasy, not really in the mood to cry, decided to crack a joke. "Hey, GB. What do you get when you cross titanium sold at half-price with a crook?"  
  
"I don't know. What?"  
  
"A real 'steel'! Bwa-ha!" Teasy and GB both cracked up and didn't stop laughing until Polly cuffed them across the face.  
  
"So THATS why you got so mad earlier," Speedy said to Curtis. "Even after all the time that had passed, you still couldn't tolerate the thought of Quarter seperating any of your other friends from you."  
  
"That, and the fact that I needed to find a way to release all that bottled-up fury," Curtis said quietly, fighting back a breakdown. "My anger had been steadily increasing since I first became a Super-Cat without letup, and the loss of Shila amplified that anger tenfold."   
  
Curtis recovered, waited until Polly helped Teasy and GB off the parlor floor, and continued. "Anyway, on with the explanation. Next up, the Mansion's destruction. It was only 2 weeks or so before Speedy and Polly's wedding that Quarter discovered a weak point in the Mansion's defenses. The key was to take out it's Ultra-Security defense system, which protected the whole thing from enemies. It included a series of fusion and spreadfire cannons (from Descent), tesla coils (from Command & Conquer: Red Alert), laser turrets, and a force field 4 meters wide. Taking out the system would leave the Mansion vulnerable to any attack. Blackout, disguised as a newcomer, got in through our first layer of defenses, got up to the second floor, and used his Spheres of Twilight to toast the main supercomputer. With the loss of the main computer, the Ultra-Security system was gone. I sensed what was going to happen and had my group evacuate and salvage as much as they could, including that million dollar juke box we brought in while you guys were fighting in California.  
  
"About a second later, Quarter attacked, all guns blazing. He combined his strength with that of his counterparts, like you saw earlier. The weapon that resulted, this "A.L.D. Combination Burst", blasted a hole through the roof. THAT toasted a lot of electronics and important stuff, and the explosion that ensued was almost intense enough to toast the golf course it overlooked. Fortunately, there weren't any casulties. I told everyone to scatter to their old homes, and hope that I would find them again someday. Since then, I'd recovered a few of the loose ends. I read in an old newspaper about how Speedy and GB--or Bad Bird, as he was than known--rescued the planet from certain destruction by destroying that comet. I came to Little Tokyo just a short time before Speedy and Polly were married, and the rest is history.  
  
"Surprisingly enough, the time right before the Cosby incident wasn't the first time I met you guys. Heh, heh."  
  
"What do you mean?" the Pizza Cats asked in unison.  
  
"Think back, you guys. THINK. Remember what happened to a large chunk of that cake." Curtis closed his eyes momentarily, then reopened them. "Lemon, with vanilla frosting...."  
  
Something in the back of Polly's mind clicked, and she snapped, "YOU WERE AT MY WEDDING??"  
  
"Not at the wedding. At the reception." Curtis smiled. "I had quite a time there, too."  
  
"But no one invited you!" Francine protested. "You're not supposed to go to parties or whatever without an invitation!"  
  
"On the contrary, Frannie. The Rescue Team invited me." The calico snickered for a few moments.  
  
"HUH?!" Speedy, GB and Guido's eyes popped open. "Why'd they invite you?" they asked in unison.  
  
"General Catton and Bat Cat were in charge of getting things set up for the reception," Curtis explained. "They searched and searched throughout Little Tokyo and even inside the large recreation center where they were going to hold the reception, but they couldn't find a decent disc jockey. At that moment, I walked by, humming music from one of Weird Al Yankovic's old albums while balancing a soda bottle on my head. Right on the spot, the General asked if I wanted to be the DJ for some decent pay, and I accepted. I couldn't believe this guy: he practically BEGGED me to do it! Of course, I wasn't in my brown tabby getup at the time. Then Bat Cat walked up to Ambush Cat, who I discovered a day before, and asked him to hand out invitations. I wanted to make sure no one would suspect anything, so I told Catton I'd be going in my brown tabby disguise."  
  
"I remember all that stuff that happened at the reception," Speedy said. "Of course, it WAS kind of embarassing to find out that a certain someone had violated the rule of not bringing weapons to the ceremony...."  
  
"Just thought I'd tell you now," Curtis said, "that I still had my sword with me. I just didn't want anyone to find out, so I hid it inside the duffel bag I lug around sometimes."  
  
"I thought it was kind of funny," commented Ambush Cat, who was perched behind them on a stool; he had been watching television throughout the initial attack and had responded to Quarter's attempted invasion of the Palace. Francine looked towards him, and he winked reassuringly.  
  
"I remember it, too," Curtis said, snapping a glare at Polly, who shuddered with fright. "Let's tell the rest of them what happened."  
  
(ALL RIGHT, IT'S FLASHBACK TIME. Let's cut to Speedy and Polly's reception, shall we?)  
  
Curtis grinned as he surveyed the entire multi-purpose room. Bat Cat had certainly invited a lot of people. They ranged from the local members of the monarchy to Speedy and Polly's parents to several Ninja Crows who had, surprisingly, gotten the princess's permission to leave Prisoner Island to attend. Of course, he didn't know about the Princess's reputation, or about the Island itself, but Curtis himself had been searching for a spot to build his new headquarters, and at the time, he was seriously considering Little Tokyo. He even noticed the Rude Noise making a special appearance. "Not for the sake of the Samurai Pizza Cats," Crow-Magnon had told Curtis and Ambush Cat, "but for the fact that they make the best food in town. I probably consider it their ONLY talent." He had heard that the Rude Noise used to work against them; he still didn't believe Crow-Magnon's comment, though, and suspected that he had lied his way in.  
  
He looked toward Speedy and Polly. Speedy had on a brilliant white tuxedo that practically blinded Curtis close up. Polly looked magnificent, as well, in that bridal gown that seemed a tradition at ceremonies like this. Only Curtis himself knew that Polly was wearing her battle armor under her gown, as he had actually observed Polly launching from the parlor towards the bridal shop while Speedy was throwing his bachelor party at Guru Lou's house. It was a no-weapons ceremony, after all, but he could take care of that little secret later. The two fuzzballs were over by the uncut cake several meters away, chatting with Lucille and Wally, two close friends.  
  
"It's party time," Curtis said to himself. He stopped the jazz music he was playing and grabbed the microphone.  
  
  
From behind his massive stereo, Curtis shouted into the microphone, "All right, quiet everyone....YO, QUIET, EVERYONE! It's time for our beloved felonious felines to cut the cake!"  
  
Everyone silenced themselves and turned in the direction of the cake.  
  
"Well, here we go," Speedy heard Polly say to herself. He grinned. The moment he'd been waiting for since the reception started.  
  
  
Curtis allowed himself a smirk, crawled under the table, and prepared himself for his raid. This was going to be almost TOO easy----  
  
  
Speedy took a knife, looked into Polly's eyes, smiled, and delved his knife into the top of the cake----  
  
"BANZAI BOMBER!!"  
  
----and at that instant, a blaze of first brown, then orange, white, and black raced out of nowhere, then vanished into nothingness----  
  
-----along with half the cake.  
  
The first to notice was Spritz, longtime member of the Rescue Team. "Hey! Where'd the cake go?"  
  
Guido, the best man, was next to recover from his shock. "There's no way!!"  
  
"Wanna bet?" Curtis said into the microphone. He licked his frosting-covered lips with a long slurp, then looked over at a corner of the room. Speedy and Polly both looked over there. He added, "They don't call me Lightning Lips for nothing! Ha!"   
  
Bat Cat fell on top of Catton as the two cracked up. "Now you know why I hired him!" Catton laughed.  
  
Annoyed, Speedy sliced a piece of cake for himself and Polly, and as everyone else helped themselves, they turned back to their table and sat down. "Why'd Catton invite that freak?" Speedy muttered to himself.   
  
"Beats me," Polly replied, taking a bite out of the cake. "Best guess is that they want to--"  
  
Then, from the stereo, music from the opening scene on Star Wars blared. (This actually happened once at a wedding reception I was at, no kidding.) Some of the people on the far side of the room applauded.  
  
"--have fun," Polly finished, scowling.  
  
"With HIM around, think we'll survive tonight?" Speedy asked. "If they want to have fun, it's going to be a rough night."  
  
Polly didn't answer. Suddenly, a black head dangled in front of them. "HEY, SPEEDY, POLLY! SMILE, YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA!!"  
  
Speedy lived up to his name. In his haste to move, he and his wife both toppled over, and the chairs landed on top of them. Meowzma and his wife, who were the first to show up, snickered. The black cat cut the rope he was hanging from, helped himself to a piece of what was left of the cake, gave some to Meowzma and his wife, then disappeared, saying, "I wonder if the chefs have the backup cake ready yet...?"  
  
"You all right, Polly?" Speedy asked, worried.  
  
"I'm jim-dandy," Polly growled, picking herself up and taking Speedy with her. "Just what was that?"  
  
Someone had overheard. "Your typical ambush," shouted Guru Lou from across the room.  
  
"Oh," Speedy muttered.  
  
Princess Vi looked on, amused. "That's funny."  
  
"FRED!" the Emperor chimed in.  
  
  
A small amount of time passed; it was now 8:45pm. "All right," Curtis said into the mike. "If we could have Speedy and Polly Cerviche out on the floor for the first dance of their married lives?"  
  
As the two Cats walked over to the floor, Curtis turned to General Catton and Bat Cat and winked. "You guys know what to do?"  
  
Catton nodded. "Yes."  
  
"Good. Even a disc jockey can have fun sometimes, you know?"  
  
"It's a kinda nasty trick to play on her," grumbled Bat Cat. Then a long smile appeared on his face. "Of course, tricks have been played on them ever since they first fought against the Big Cheese. We need to remind them it's a No-Weapons reception."  
  
Curtis raised an eyebrow. "The Big Cheese? Never heard of him. Who was he, some kind of rat?"  
  
Catton looked at him blankly, as if to say, "What's wrong with you?"  
  
Curtis waved them away. "Hey, I'm American. Whatcha expect? The U.S.A. was my forte, not Little Tokyo."   
  
"It's still kind of hard that you could miss the whole thing," said Bat Cat.  
  
At this point, Speedy and Polly had reached the center of the floor.  
  
Curtis tapped several buttons on his stereo, and a few seconds later, the easy-listening song "Lady in Red" began to play. As Speedy and Polly swirled around the dance floor, he hissed to Catton: "There's your chance. Go!"  
  
  
Getting the cue from across the room, GB, who was off serving various drinks with Carla and several Ninja Crows, motioned for them to follow him. They joined Bat Cat and the rest of the Rescue Team and hid under 4 different tables--much to the chagrin of a startled Princess Vi. They each lifted up a hidden trapdoor and disappeared.  
  
After crawling for several moments, they came together at a hidden intersection dug by Meowzma, and then came to another opening in the floor---and Curtis's disintegration gun. Having been trained on how to use it by Curtis himself, Catton opened up a tiny hole, set the disintegrator in place, and fired. A long, steady beam spiraled upward through another hole in the ceiling, which had also been drilled by Meowzma, into parts unknown.  
  
  
As Speedy swung Polly around as he danced, the overhang of Polly's bridal gown swung with her. When they reached the transparent beam, Speedy swung again....  
  
....and Curtis heard a collective gasp from the guests, starting with Polly's parents and winding down to the monarchy.  
  
Lying there, on the floor, in front of several hundred guests, was the entire back of Polly's bridal gown.   
  
"STRIKE THREE, YOU'RE OUTOUTOUT!!" Curtis shouted, jumping up and down and shooting them with his index finger, like Ron Luciano. * The silver beam disappeared. A couple of seconds later, from under Princess Vi, Empress Frieda, and Emperor Fred's table appeared Good Bird, his dear Carla, General Catton, Bat Cat, and 4 Ninja Crows, who were all cracking up.   
  
Of course, the same couldn't be said of the married couple. While Polly hid under their table, her cheeks a bright red, Speedy stood in the middle of the floor. A white fire blazed in his eyes, and while he was staring at both halves of the wedding gown (the other half fell off when Polly ran away), he was pulsating with anger. "WHO DID THIS??!!" he screamed.  
  
The entire crowd fell silent---just as Runner leaped on top of the table, clenched both fists and slammed it, causing it to flip and land on top of the table next to it....  
  
....and where the gown had originally been was Polly's battle armor. Speedy gasped, as well, then threw a thankful smile at Curtis, who had fallen asleep from behind the stereo. His tail, constantly flicking, tapped the PLAY button on the CD Player and starting up U2's song "Mysterious Ways", inviting the rest of the bridal party to join the fun. A grin spread across his face, and he opened his eyes, turned toward Speedy, and winked.  
  
Speedy smiled affirmatively and turned back to his wife, a snarl on his face and his eyebrows turned down. "Polly....." Speedy growled.   
  
"This was a no-weapons ceremony, and yet you've decided to wear your armor under your dress....and complete with sword and darts, no less!" Francine, who was part of the party, snapped, furious.  
  
"IT'S ALRIGHT...IT'S ALRIGHT....ALRIGHT....SHE MOVES IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS!...." Curtis sang out with the song. Several faces turned in his direction, and he immediately calmed down. "Don't mind me. I just work here."  
  
That comment, for some reason, infuriated the Princess. "QUIET, OR I'LL HAVE YOU SENT TO----"  
  
"Oh, scrub it," Curtis snapped.  
  
Polly, for the first time since Speedy's fight against the comet, was afraid....but this time, for herself. Tears had started to pour down her cheeks. She tried to speak, but nothing came out.  
  
Speedy stepped forward and grabbed her arm. He turned and waved to the crowd. "See you in a few minutes, gentlemen," he shouted. "My wife and I have to talk." Dragging Polly behind him, Speedy punched open the back door and left in a huff.  
  
The Rescue Team, GB, and the 4 Ninja Crows walked up to Curtis, and they exchanged high-fives and high-fours. "Nice job, men," Curtis said.  
  
"Well, you did want to point out that it was a no-weapons reception," said one of the Ninja Crows.  
  
"But wasn't that disintegrator a weapon, too?" asked another Crow.  
  
"In this case, no. I needed it as part of the prank, and it was only set on 'mild'. That way, it wouldn't have hurt if she had backed into it accidently. Go get some drinks, guys, and I'll talk to you after the party's over." Curtis watched everyone join in the dancing, trashing the gown. Yawning, he walked up to the counter, helped himself to some Sprite, and walked back to his station as cat behind the stereo.  
  
From the other side of the closed door, loud shouts could be heard, mixed in with anguished sobs.  
  
Curtis chuckled into the mike. "Sorry about the bad timing," he said. Most of the crowd chuckled, as well. Some left; others stayed due to the fact that Curtis was going to play the YMCA. A few moments later, Speedy and Polly returned; one Cat with a frown on his face and the other looking a little sick. They both looked at Curtis, and Curtis stared back. "I have no comment at this time," was his only sentence.   
  
Later on, as Polly apologized and the two kissed, Curtis told himself that it was a good idea that he had hid his sword away. Otherwise, Speedy would never have let him live it down.  
  
Watching Speedy and Polly rejoin the group on the floor, Curtis took a gulp of his Sprite, set the cup down next to his collection of CDs, and prepared himself for a long night.  
  
(END OF FLASHBACK)  
  
"Okay, okay, I confess," Polly sputtered. "I didn't know why those Ninja Crows had been invited, so I had decided to take a simple precaution."  
  
"Some precaution," Curtis muttered. "That was the worst thrashing from Speedy that I think that anyone has heard you receive. Those crows had gotten the permission of not just Princess Vi, but also Frieda, Fred, and the whole of the Council. They had sent a message in a bottle to disguise the fact that half of Prisoner Island was a resort. That way, Vi never found out."  
  
"It's the ONLY thrashing," Runner said. "Polly used to yell at Speedy, instead of the other way around."  
  
"I just remembered something," Guido blurted suddenly.  
  
"Yeah? What?" asked Chico.  
  
"We've been calling the Rescue Team a whole lot less than we used to." He tapped his fingers against a chair.  
  
"Ironic when you think about it," GB spoke up.  
  
"Actually, it's not," Curtis growled. "Let me explain: with these recent fights, myself and my gang had joined forces with you only because Quarter and the Animal Legion of Doom had joined forces with Seymour and Jerry, making for an ultra-powerful team. But with nearly all of the battles you've had against the Big Cheese before the comet came, you've had to call either one or two of the Rescue Team members or the entire team in itself. Since you couldn't accomplish it very well back then without help...."  
  
(Okay, I'm going to quote Jonas Miles here....)  
  
"....YOU CATS ARE WIMPS!!"  
  
"Hmmmm. He has a point," Speedy said. "We almost ALWAYS called the Rescue Team for help."  
  
"Yeah, I did all the math," commented Daniel. "Not exactly ALMOST ALWAYS, but it WAS about 47% of the time."   
  
(What's that? You don't believe him? YOU review all the episodes, SPC and KNT both, and YOU do the math. I even doubled-checked at White Cat's WWW Hall of Fame to make sure. I wasn't counting The Cats Cop Cartoon Careers when I did this; since it's just a recap, it doesn't count. For other instances, E-mail me.)  
  
"He's counting the time those scientists were captured, and you tried to call the team, but Guru Lou showed up instead," Teasy added. (Big Cheese's IQ Corral)  
  
"I guess I'll have to put you wimps in shape for the next war," Curtis said. "That way, we lower the instances of the Rescue Team being needed by about 70%.....Oh, I forgot to mention. I personally saw to it that the Big Cheese and Jerry wound up on Extras Island. Before I changed their course, they were heading for the United States, and I didn't want any trouble if he tried to help his uncle in New York run for president of the U.S. After they wound up on the Island, I took apart their raft, sold the lumber, and took the sails back to the Mansion to decorate the living room floor."  
  
"Hey, where's Alice and Silky?" Francine asked suddenly. "I haven't seen them since before our strike on the missile silo."  
  
"Silky is out at Mt. Coochie, having dinner with Guru Lou and watching the Y2K celebration on TV," Daniel said. "Alice is upstairs, asleep in your room."  
  
"MY ROOM??!" Francine shrieked. "For an alumni, she has NO common sense!" She grabbed Polly's frying pan and marched up the stairs. A minute later, there was a loud SPANG as the pan found its target, and a second later, Alice came tumbling down the stairs.  
  
"Curtis, what do you mean THE NEXT WAR?" Polly asked, curious.  
  
"After one evil is defeated, another one almost always shows up," Curtis muttered. "I know from personal experience."  
  
"Uh-oh," everyone said in unison.  
  
Curtis chuckled to himself. Energy fizzled around his right paw, then faded away. "They'll have to get through ME first. In the meantime, why don't we watch a movie? I rented 'Home Alone' not long ago."  
  
The shout of approval came. Alice's only words, albeit a bit groggy, were, "Someone get the number of that jet!"  
  
Outside, the snow fell harder, and a wind picked up, growing ever more fierce as the hours until 2000 ticked away.  
  
----------------------------  
  
* --- Ron Luciano has to be THE funniest umpire ever to walk a baseball field. He umpired games throughout the 1960s. To quote the manager Earl Weaver, "Ron Luciano was the only umpire that fans paid their way into the ballpark to see." He had a habit of shooting out ballplayers with his index finger and of throwing out people whenever they disturbed his peace; in particular, Earl Weaver, who he threw out so often that the Baltimore Oriole players would bet on which inning Weaver would be thrown out of. He wrote a few books about his experiences and those of other umpires during the 1980s.  
  
Well, that's that. Want to know what's next? Here's the teaser for my next one.....  
  
  
(The SPC in standard victory pose, with GB soaring above)  
  
Speedy: On the next....  
  
(Ambush Cat pops his head in the camera's view)  
  
Ambush Cat: Pizza Cats...  
  
(Out of nowhere, 5 claws slice the screen and send the pieces flying)  
  
The Super-Cats will meet their next obstacle in their quest to global elimination of the major crime bosses: the Big Cheese's crime family, who've established their base at the rebuilt Gorgonzola International HQ. But the relatives have someone helping them: An all-powerful holdover from the A.L.D. who has his own plans for the welfare of 4 certain individuals. Stay tuned for Operation Pulverize Pizza Cats: Kittens of Chaos (Mark my words, this thing will be huge).  
  
Oh, and don't forget, I can still be reached at supreme_cat@hotmail.com. See you!!  
  
G.A. Wildcat 


End file.
